One day early in March, I felt inclined to take on a do-it-yourself project. On BuzzFeed, I found the article “19 Super Cute Dollar Store DIYs That Will Complete Your Bedroom.” A few ideas charmed me, but then I thought, “What would be easiest?”

Make a Jewelry Holder from a Cutlery Tray.”

Sounds like cake. Boy, was I wrong.

There are only four components to the materials list: wooden cutlery tray, paint, knobs and cup hooks. I’d also need to pick up sandpaper, paint brushes and masking tape. Some “dollar store” DIY this is, because I spent $70 at Lowe’s.

Upon returning to my apartment, I lay down some newspaper and begin to sand the cutlery tray. I should’ve done this outside because my living room got covered in wood dust. After wiping the tray clean, I painted a base coat. I put on two or three more coats because the paint is white, and I spread it thin. That’s what I thought, anyway.

While I wait for my project to dry, I transfer it (and the newspaper) from my coffee table to the top of my dryer. Here rests my Keurig, so before I make a coffee the next morning, I move the tray again. Apparently I’d globbed on too much paint because the entire thing is stuck to the newspaper. I try peeling it off, but the paper rips and the ends stay glued to the wood. So, naturally, I ignore the problem and move on.

Next step: I paint the inside of each section gray to accent the white. It turns out horrible. The paintbrushes I bought are trash and frayed at the ends. I get gray paint everywhere it shouldn’t be.

In an attempt to fix my mistake, I tape off the gray areas (after they dry) and repaint the white parts. It takes four coats to hide the gray.

When I peel off the tape, my eyes roll so far back into my head that they come up the other side. The white paint had seeped under the edges of the tape. My patience is borderline nonexistent at this point, so I leave it. It looks rustic… Not really.

Post-bottle-of-riesling, I grab the white paint and a small brush to create a few patterns. To start off simple, I paint the third section in diagonal stripes. Apparently I can’t draw a straight line, so what initially started as a serious craft has turned out to be one of those “Pinterest fails.” I hand my boyfriend another brush and he makes some sort of tribal print while I sploosh several polka-dots. And when he decides to paint a side-profile of our springer spaniel, I find myself writing “SWAG” on the final spot. I can’t wait to chuck this in my dumpster.

Drilling in the decorative knobs, it becomes apparent that one is slightly lower than the others. Also, each screw protrudes half-an-inch out of the backside. Good thing I don’t plan on hanging this on my wall because now I physically won’t be able to. Furthermore, the cup hooks are too long for the bottom panel. I throw them in my junk drawer.

For the sake of a photo, my necklaces look rather nice in the cutlery-holder jewelry tray. If only the paint were more aesthetically pleasing (and the knobs symmetrical.) This marks the first and last time I’ll ever attempt a DIY project.

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